I have an appointment Monday night to meditate. The Zen Center has a guided meditation on Monday nights led by people in sobriety and this week I’m definitely going. I want more of the feeling I got twice this past week from merely standing on the beach, feeling like an empty vessel ready to be filled with… something. Anything other than myself and my thoughts is fine and it’s hard to feel in control of anything other than you ability to accept what is and what is not when your standing in the sand with the tides running over your bare feet. Watching the same waves pound the same shore just as it has for eons before we were here and will continue long after we’re gone is a spiritual meditation I’d forgotten about and I’m still surprised just how much it emptied my mind and put me in the present.
But I can’t get to the beach every day, so there’s got to be a way to find my way to that empty space, where my mind just drifts off and I feel connected to the larger forces in the world. I’ve tried to meditate many times before, but usually I find my thoughts bouncing off of the walls and have to stifle a giggle from how ludicrous it all seems.
The exception has always been yoga. There’s something about exerting myself physically where afterwards when I’m lying on the mat, I find myself able to drift off to that place between reality and dreaming. But I want to find something that I can take anywhere, a practice I can put in my pocket. Something I could do at home, maybe before going to work. I love yoga, but I’m a long way away from being able to do a practice in my hallway by myself without any guidance, and I don’t want to have to get drenched in sweat every time I want to drift off for a few minutes.
I’ve always been attracted to Buddhist thought, and given the anxiety I’ve been struggling with the past couple of months, I figure that sitting down with a bunch of fellow sober people and going through a guided meditation can’t hurt. And my Monday nights have always been open, so why not try something different?
Besides, as I think about ramping up my work load to five shifts a week, I figure I could probably stand to do a little more work on my mental health if I’m seriously considering working extra. The job takes it out of me and the thought of working Tuesday through Saturday most of the rest of the year means I need to make sure I’m taking care of myself. I’m not broke by any stretch of the imagination but between wanting a new motorcycle all year and going home for the holidays, I’m gonna need to do something if I don’t want to pinch pennies when it comes to my bills. I don’t want to count every last dollar and deny myself going out to the occasional nice meal just because I want a new whip.
Speaking of bills, it’s time to go to work. It’s Friday night – time to hit the streets and go get paid.
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Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
